I received my first set of grades in law school today. I did not experience nervousness about receiving them because there really was no set of expectations to associate with them. The only thing I knew that could happen was that I would either pass them in some capacity or fail them in another. I mostly passed.
One grade was sub-par. And it made me so unbelievably upset that I actually took a 15 minute work break to sob to Dave over the phone. I never take breaks at work – except for lunch (the only time I blog during the workday). Regardless of what I do at work, this was one of those moments where it was okay for me to salvage my sanity by moaning to my boyfriend with relative cause and reason.
He reviewed the handbook for me and explained that this was not that big of a deal – I had not failed out of law school. For what it was really worth, it was a small blip in the radar of an entire scholarly career. I have had blips before this instance and recovered, so I knew – even if I hadn’t recognized it at the moment – this was something I could salvage. This is the first quarter of many, and there is something to be learned from it all.
My first reaction was to e-mail one of my professors – the one professor I felt comfortable talking to about courses. Not coincidentally, she is also an assistant dean. That helps a little more. I have probably already learned my course of action as to what I need to do, but I feel better at least recognizing the mistake and confronting it with her, rather than letting the situation mire in my head. That usually leads to invariable sadness, defeat, and the loss of hope. I have no intention of losing any hope.
My next move will most likely be to discuss some sort of option of going part-time and still working for my current employer. They like me and I like them, so hopefully there can be some sort of win-win situation that allows me to stay. I do not know at what capacity, but I will need to make a change that helps me. I have to think of me. Five years of undergrad left me thinking only of my employer, and it had an effect. Clearly, this reoccurred.
After first see that one grade, I was heavily discouraged. Intense frustration and hurt are two very good words that describe the emotions I swung through in a matter of seconds. I failed to recognize that I was mostly successful and that I had not, in actuality, failed anything. And everything I have done emphasizes that I still have a chance to comeback.
Now, hours later, I am feeling empowered. I am ready to take on the jealous mistress that is the law. She was clearly bitter about the last semester. Now it is time to appease.