I’m Gonna Break One of the Mirror’s Two Faces

Standing in front of the long mirror in the women’s bathroom at work, I couldn’t help but reflect on those little fashion tips they love to dispense on What Not to Wear.

You know, one like: wear black if you want to look slim. Easy enough. I have on a cute black sweater that hugs nicely. Oh, or how about: where vertical strips to look slim and taller. Sah-weet! I have a pair of black pants with pinstripes to aid in that BOGO deal.

Now the problem with having everything you need isn’t in the tips, it’s in the hips. Cringing with disdain for the figure my mama blessed me with, I could’t help but shake my fist at the fashion gods. It will never matter what color you wear to make yourself look thinner if the pinstripes on your trousers appear painted to the curves of your body. It sort of defeats the purpose of wearing the vertical lines and attempting to look streamlined.

So, when you are feeling down about the way you look in the mirror, just remember, you can relish in knowing that I look far worse today in my painted on hooker pants.

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